i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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