I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
