We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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