its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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