Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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