I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
