imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
