I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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