Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
