Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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