I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
