Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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