i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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