He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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