Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
