got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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