the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
