just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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