I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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