My nipple is on Facebook.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
