girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
