Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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