I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
