be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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