She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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