If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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