Jerry, you need to find god
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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