I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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