There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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