its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
