he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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