Its about making memories worth repressing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
