NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
