i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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