Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
