Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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