Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
