Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
