It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
