he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
