guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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