every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
