Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I could fuck to npr.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
