I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
