if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i think my cat just said my name.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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