The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
