We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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