if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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