I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
