I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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