dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
