Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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