I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
