where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
