Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
