im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
