Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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