Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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