we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
