I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
