i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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