Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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