No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she pinky promised me she was 18
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
