yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
cat food counts as protein by the way
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
