I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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