wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
