Who did Billy Mays play for?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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