Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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