Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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