how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
