She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
