Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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