If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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